Memorial Dayze

May 26, 2019 by Chris Castillo

It’s Vegas. It’s Punk Rock Bowling weekend and you’re having yourself a time. Except, you want to beat the insane amount of traffic and delays on Memorial Day. Besides, you have a 5am departure.

You’re surprised to find train tickets back home on such a short notice. And perfect, the terminal is a quick walk from The Golden Nugget. Getting to the train is the only challenge. Once inside, you can sleep all the way to LA.

But by early Monday morning, you start realizing that Vegas on a Memorial Day weekend is a whole different monster. You lack nutrients, you lack hydration. You’ve had nothing but junk food. You’ve abused yourself for the past 80 hours (more than usual). This kind of... hurts. So you decide to close your eyes for a bit, but just a bit because it’s 3am.

Of course, you sleep more than intended. But you’re still on time. So you wake your friends and dart over to the station. As if things weren’t hectic enough, you realize the tickets you bought are not digital. You were supposed to have printed them days ago.

You rush over to the lobby and ask. But the front desk isn’t too keen on printing things out. Don’t fear. There’s a computer on the other side of the casino where you can print out whatever you need. It’s only 1.50 per page. A small price to pay to avoid missing your train. A terrible price otherwise.

Tickets in hand, you finally make it to the terminal. You’re drunk, sleepy, and confused. Your body is on its own. Life is extra blurry.

You take a look around and notice there are only busses. This is slightly confusing, but time is of the essence. You try asking the clerk, but she doesn’t know about any trains. Even more confused, you step outside and see a man wearing an Amtrak jacket. You ask about the train.

“Amtrak? Train? No train. This is a Greyhound bus, by Amtrak. No group seats left. We leave in 5. Fill in the gaps.”

You know you’re about to enter a present-day circle of hell. There’s no one else to blame. You did this.

Timeout 1

April 30, 2019 by Chris Castillo

My commute to work involves driving around and through parts of Griffith Park. It’s our version of Central Park, but not quite as shady or chaotic, and much more hilly. Actually, they’re very different. Except for the fact that they are both a bit of green in a sometimes gray landscape.

I was a bit late this day and to my dismay, there was a traffic stop in the middle of the park. I wasn’t too bothered by it, I’m sure the drivers weren’t holding up traffic by choice. Nevertheless, I was eager to get out of there, eager to get on with my day. But I couldn’t. I was stuck.

Maybe I got tired of waiting. Or maybe I exhausted myself with my imaginary day, my imaginary problems, and my subsequent imaginary decisions.

”All of a sudden, I can predict the future ?”

Whatever it was; I edged to the side of the road, walked to the nearest park bench, and waited for it to decongest. It probably took all of 10 minutes.

I must’ve looked like a psychopath.

I didn't want to post about Marijuana on 4/20

April 20, 2019 by Chris Castillo

But, here we are.

In high school, I was arrested for having a nickel bag on me. Had to go through court, community service, narcotics anonymous, everything. Man that sucked. Remind me to tell you that story some other time.

I started smoking heavily when I began to experience serious head pain. By this time, I was becoming self conscious of the amount of pain-meds I was taking. Even making the switch to ‘daily’ migraine drugs didn’t make me feel too good. As we were all unaware that a cerebral / spinal fluid buildup (Hydrocephalus) was the primary cause of the pain, I started keeping a daily journal where I would write down my habits. What time I woke up, what time I ate, what I ate, how long I slept, etc. One of these facts outlined which medication I took and when. I made myself a system of notes. It wasn’t a very good system (too large) but it evolved into a simple list: time I would wake up, if I fell back asleep or “crashed'“, how much pain I felt, and how bad my Nausea was. I imagine everyone would’ve had a different system, with different symbols, and different colors. Mine was a little red journal with black ink, circles for pain, squares for nausea, check-marks inside the shape would tell me how bad it was. But, the situation wasn’t getting any better.

So I went out and bought a cheap-o battery pen and a CBD cartridge at one of the many LA Dispensaries. Almost immediately, I began to feel a positive difference. The most drastic impact for me was that my nausea subsided dramatically. Just as importantly, I stopped taking the daily painkillers. It calmed my symptoms and made day to day operation a bit more bearable. Obviously, the weed wasn’t a miracle cure or anything. We can thank modern medicine for the surgery. I’d be screwed if this was just ten years ago. I’d be really screwed if this was Game of Thrones era.

I had to be monitored by nurses & doctors pretty frequently. That was the worst part of the hospital stay, I got very little rest. You know what made the stay easier though? Hydrocodone. They helped me sleep uninterrupted for a few hours. But i’ve also heard some pretty horrible stories about them, especially from the suburbs, addiction sucks.

Somehow, I made the choice that I would do everything in my power to avoid taking pills once at home. I’ll admit this didn’t work out too well at the beginning. But I lessened the dose the third day and then the fourth and so on. I wrote the dosage on that same journal, I used the same pain scale. I downgraded from Norco to Tylenol. Eventually, the pain was minimal, but the discomfort was still present. I had 52 staples in my head, extremely limited mobility, a hole in my skull (which I’m super proud of), and it was a hot summer. So back to the local dispensary I went.

Legalization is amazing.

And now? Now it kind of just stuck around. You know what else stuck around? My notes. Its become a habit of mine. They help me remember everything I would otherwise forget. Some of it ends up being pretty neat.

About last year...

April 20, 2019 by Chris Castillo

The amazingly stressful, painful, frustrating, beautiful year....

I’ve always considered myself a person who tries to hold it together. But, that’s not always possible. No matter how hard we try. There’s circumstances and situations beyond our control that can appear in an instant. I always knew this, but I didn’t contemplate it.

I was in real bad physical shape and in turn, it made me mentally ill, it made me feel emotionally sick. I felt the pain every day. But I still tried holding it together. I still kept on pretending. I was stubborn. The human body doesn’t always feel good. Be it emotional or physical, be it reasonable or puzzling. It is acceptable for you and I, to not be “alright.”

I didn’t think of the need for Brain Surgery at 28. I didn’t consider having to be taken care of. I didn’t consider having to relearn how to talk, walk, write, and all the other things we take for granted. I didn’t consider the need to forget it all and reset.

It’s very important for you to all know that I did not pray. I didn’t ask for a superior being to spare me, I didn’t ask for atonement, and I didn’t ask for personal relief. That being said,

It would be too quick and too ignorant to dismiss it to all to mere chance. But certainly, it would be hasty of myself to try and explain why things happened the way they did. I do not wish to explain a purpose, I hold very little interest in it. Hospital =s aside, its not an entirely negative experience, I hit the fucking lottery (of life, I still have very little money).

I’ve found an appreciation for understanding. I’ve found a greater appreciation for thoughts that differ from mine. I’ve even learned how to benefit from discomfort. Without it, there is little growth. And knowing this, amongst other things, grounds me. It is a feeling that I hope will last as long as possible. It is a feeling that helped fill a gap the tumor left. It is a feeling that I hope to share with you.

2018 has been the worst and best year of my life. The past 10 months have been surreal. It’s a bit unfair to the first 6 months of 2018. I’m sure there’s good memories from that time. But it can’t all be the absolute best.

Anyhow, the downtime was ultimately enjoyable. Some much needed maintenance. A chance to hit the power button, walk away, and think. We don’t have enough of those times.

It’s human nature to question. Its human nature to want more. It’s human nature to care too much, or care too little, or care wrongly. So be considerate of yourself, be considerate to others. Encourage and nurture growth, welcome some change, and encourage different ideas. Be the voice of reason and support. Be the voice that works for our cumulative benefit. We’re in this together. If it were otherwise, it would be a hell of a lot less interesting. But, don’t take it all so serious. I would hate for you to miss out.

Take it easy & keep it sleazy,

Chris